


let me be your freedom (like the stars remix)

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Frontier, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oregon Trail, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-06-29 03:33:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19821694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Dear Mother,I understand your concerns about my wellbeing, but I can assure you I am safer now than I have ever been in my life. Yes, I only have a roof over my head during the winter months, and said roof is never in the same place twice, but I have come to love our life on the road. I know it isn't proper. I know it may bring our family more shame than my child ever could. But you must understand our reasonings as to why.If he and Victor cross paths again, Mother, I fear that they will both be dead. Their rivalry is deadly! They can't so much as see each other without a dangerous conflict! For Victor knows what he has done to me in the past, and he wants to kill him. And I cannot lose my husband when surely he is arrested for the murder. So we keep moving.But I am safer this way, Mother. Being with him out here like this, with no schedule, no rules, I feel completely free. I don't think I could ever live another way again.Your son,Yuuri"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i call this the lite remix ... a little lest descriptive on the angst. takes a far different route. enjoy!

Yuuri was born in 1834 to the Katsuki’s— a middle class family who once had a modest fortune from being Silk Road merchants in Asia. They settled on the eastern coast of the United States in the early 1800s, when Yuuri’s father was just a boy. While Yuuri’s grandfather continued being a merchant until his death in the 1820s, Yuuri’s father decided to become an optometrist and set up his office in Dover, Delaware. He later married a woman of similar heritage, and by and by had a daughter in 1828, and a son in 1830, who died of fever. 

Yuuri was raised as the baby of the family, spoiled and happy. He received the finest education available, and expected high prospects when it came to courting in his youth. But to everyone’s surprise, he cast the idea of courting aside in favor of attaining a higher education. He attended Delaware College from the age of seventeen to twenty, just months away from completing his degree. Until  _ it  _ happened. 

Yuuri’s family loved him dearly and only ever wanted what was best for him. If he— for good reasons— wished to drop out of school, they’d support him wholeheartedly. But when he comes home in early February, announcing he dropped out of school and was heading west with his on-again, off-again boyfriend, they weren’t exactly pleased, especially because he refused to give a particular reason. They had two weeks left with their son before they’d lose him forever, and those two weeks were spent in constant persuasion for him to stay in Delaware. But something was off about Yuuri, and he wouldn’t be persuaded to change his mind. 

In the final few days, his family grew desperate. So desperate that they brought his beloved godmother down from Connecticut in hopes she may bribe him into at least staying with her for a while. She still clutched their telegram as she rang the bell, pleased that Yuuri was the one to open the door. “Minako!” He exclaimed, eyes bright, “What a treat! I was hoping I’d be able to see you before I left.”

“My goodness, leave? Where are you headed, dear boy?” She removed her cloak and gave it to Yuuri to hang by the hearth. His smile faded. “Um… to Oregon, ma’am.”

“Oregon?” She repeated. “Huh.. what gave you such a funny idea? All of your family is here, as is plenty of suitable gentlemen to court.”

Yuuri shifted uncomfortably and led his godmother to the parlor. “I’m sure it will be a wonderful experience. I’ve always wanted to—”

“This is absolute nonsense, my dear boy, and you know it. Come, sit by me. I’m having my staff bring in a great deal of presents for you! Some lovely dresses that I know you will look simply  _ charming  _ in come the social season.”

“Thank you, but… I’m not sure any of that will fit. I have to pack sparingly.”

“Yuuri.” She says a bit more sternly as she takes his hands. “It isn’t like you to up and leave everything for no reason. If you’re running from something, there is no need. I will help you in any way I can.”

Usually, Yuuri would come clean to her, as he loved her dearly and always felt safe to confess his secrets to her. But this time, he was firm. “There is nothing to hide.”

“Well, that’s that. But how will you get to Oregon all by yourself?”

“I won’t be alone, Minako. You know Charles Pierce will be with me, so why are you playing dumb?”

“That  _ scoundrel _ ? Yuuri, I’ve told you for years to wash your hands of him! And going  _ unmarried _ ! I must advise against this, dear boy.”

“My mind has been made up, Minako. I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

***

On the fifteenth of February, Charles Pierce, scoundrel he is, was waiting outside. He hadn’t even the decency to come onto the front porch. He was dressed plainly and wore an unpleasant frown. 

Yuuri’s mother begged him to stay as he walked down the front steps. He hugged her, and then tearfully gave her an envelope that he asked her not to open until he left. He told her that he loved her and was sorry. 

And just like that, he was gone.

.

_ To my dearest mother, _

_ I’ve made a terrible mistake, and as a result of my mistake, I must go with Charles to Oregon. If only I were more responsible, we wouldn’t be in this heartbreaking situation. I am pregnant with Charles’ child and I will not allow any child of mine to be raised without their father. I tried, but I could not persuade him to stay. He says that the shame of having a child out of wedlock is too much for him to bear, or to burden our families with. If there were any possible alternatives, I would have chosen them by now. My mind is made up. I will write as frequently as I am able. _

_ Your son, _

_ Yuuri _

***

It is past midnight, and Yuuri is fatigued from their travels. He starts to wonder if perhaps they will ride these fat, stubborn horses all the way to Missouri. When he grows so fatigued that he can hardly keep his eyes open, he voices his complaints. “Can’t we stop at an inn for a few hours?”

“What, have you really the energy to start your bitching? We’ll stop soon. A friend of mine is taking us in a cart to his ferry.”

“Why couldn’t we have just ordered a carriage?”   
“Do you ever shut up? Damn…”

Frowning, Yuuri glanced over his shoulder, wishing that his parents had read the letter and followed them, assuring their son that nothing had changed, that they loved him regardless and wanted him to raise his child in their home. But no one is behind him. “Charlie, I want to go back for the night. My godmother is generous. If we ask, she’d loan us a carriage and- and quite a bit of money, too.”

“Does she know you’re knocked up?”   
“Well, no—”   
“That should answer your question, then.”

“And now I have another.” Yuuri pulled his horse to a stop. “What is the matter with you? Not even when I told you I was pregnant were you this bitter.”

“Hmm… maybe it’s because I have to put up with your constant bitching against my own will.”

“You’re acting like you don’t want me to come with you.”

“Wow, for once you’ve said something intelligent.” He scoffs. “Can you shut up now? We’ll get there when we get there.”

“But I thought you wanted to raise this baby with me. It  _ is  _ yours, after all, and even  _ I  _ know you’re not so heartless.”

“ _ Is _ it mine? Who knows. Teddy Beaumont’s got just enough chance as I did. I guess we’ll know the truth if it comes out with light hair.” Charlie said, stroking his own shaggy, dark hair atop his head. “And then I’ll dump you off with some Indian tribe. See if they’ll help you or maybe get rid of you. Win-win on my part.”

“ _ Charles _ !” Yuuri exclaims, eyes welling up with tears. 

He pauses, but he doesn’t look at him.

“I’m going home.”

“How far along are you?” He asks suddenly, his voice sharp. 

“Don’t you know? I’m twenty-six weeks on Monday.”

“And I suppose you thought it reasonable to give birth on a trip west. More reasonable than staying home and admitting you’re a whore and being doted on by your spoiling family? Damn, something’s wrong with you.”

“I wasn’t going to be shamed like that!” Yuuri snaps. “Not in a small town like Dover. But I’ve changed my mind. I’m going home and I’ll go and live with my godmother in Connecticut if I have to!”

With that, Charlie diminished his lantern, leaving them in total darkness. Yuuri heard what he thought sounded like a knife being unsheathed.    
“Charlie.”

“It’s too late for that. You know that, don’t you?”

“What are you talking about?” Yuuri’s breaths quickened, and he made a move to leave, but so much happened at once. A hand seized his arm, and a cloth was pressed to his mouth. Before he knew it, Yuuri’s consciousness was slipping.

.

When he woke, he was on a boat on the water and listened to Charlie’s voice. Groaning, Yuuri came to. They were on what seemed to be a small rowboat. There was another man on board, doing all the rowing. Yuuri didn’t recognize him. 

Waves lapped against the side of the rowboat. The clouds cleared overhead, and the moon shone down on them, bright enough for Yuuri to get a good look at Charlie again. There was hatred burning in his gaze. What had changed in him so suddenly?

He tried to sit up, but Charlie quickly pushed him back down. “I suppose this one will do as well as any. Thanks for the lift, man.”   
“I’ll be back in the morning. Do you want me to help you carry him up?”

“ _ Up _ ?”

“Shut up, Yuuri.” 

He was too weak to protest anyway, and with that, Charlie pushed him along up a very tall ladder. The occasional blinking light overhead made Yuuri realize that they were situated at a lighthouse on the water in the bay. But such places were occupied by lightkeepers, so he assumed Charlie couldn’t be intending to hurt him at all. But why were they stopping here instead of crossing the bay?

Before Yuuri could stop and ask, he was ushered inside and up another flight of stairs, where the light itself circled around continuously. An old man sat there, and his lack of surprise at their appearance indicated they were expected. “I know he isn’t much, but you’re desperate enough not to be picky.”

“Mm-mm.”

“Fifty bucks as we discussed. And you can keep the kid.”

“Wait, what? Charlie, what is this?”

“I’m not taking a pregnant person to Oregon. I’m not raising no damn brat with you. This man, Mr. Bartley, made an offer of fifty dollars for an omega. It gets lonely out here, as you’d imagine. I’m sure he would take care of you, feed you once a day or so and let you sleep on the floor.”

The man nodded excitedly, smile revealing his teeth (or lack thereof). The way he looked at Yuuri left little to the imagination. And Yuuri wasn’t having it. 

“You’re selling me to some ugly pervert?! Why couldn’t you have just taken me home??”

“Well, this way I figure nobody’d know. When your family writes, I’d just pretend to be you. It’s not like they’d ever visit.”

“You’ve… you’ve gone mad if you think I’ll agree to any of this! I’ll jump from the platform and swim home if you do!”

“There’s not much alternative, here. Either you stay here with Mr. Bartley and raise the baby away from the world, or you get rid of it. Then I might let you come with me, if you keep your stupid mouth shut. And I know you won’t get rid of the baby. You’re too much of a goody-goody for that.”

“You are a wicked, selfish man, Charles Pierce. God will punish you greatly for this.”   
“No worse a punishment than spending the rest of my life with you, though. I’ll be collecting my money, Mr. Bartley.”

“Right. You, go fetch my pocketbook from the bunker below. Put yourself to use.” says the man. “After that, you can go wait in the bedroom. I’ll be down shortly.”

“I certainly will.” Yuuri said with a scowl, and with that, the men were left alone until they heard a loud splash coming from outside.

True to his word, Yuuri had jumped from the ladder of the lighthouse and was attempting to swim to the man with the rowboat! 

“Damn it!” Charlie, hat in his teeth, also jumped to hunt Yuuri down himself.  _ I’ll kill that son of a bitch! _ He thought as he furiously swam after Yuuri. But he wasn’t nearly as quick a swimmer. 

***

“What’s wrong, darlin’?” The man on the rowboat asked in surprise when Yuuri swam like a fish up to his boat within a few minutes of being dropped off. His accent was heavy, and Yuuri couldn’t recognize it. “Did it not work out?”   
“Can you take me back to the shore? Please? H-He’s trying to sell me!”

“What?” The old man blinked. “He said that your kin lived at that light…”   
“No, no that’s not the case at all!” Yuuri exclaimed as he struggled to climb into the boat. “Now hurry, please! Before he catches up to me!”

“I’m on it. I knew that there was something up with that guy.” Says the man. As he starts to row, he adds, “The name’s Josef Plisetsky by the way. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Yuuri Katsuki.”

“Yuuri…” He repeats. “Huh. That’s my son’s name.”

***

“It’s not much, but I’m only here on business, so I didn’t need anything fancy.” says Josef as he leads Yuuri into his small house on the other side of the bay. “Go and warm yourself by the fire.”

“What sort of business are you here for?” Yuuri asked. 

“Coffee or tea?” Josef asked, already busying himself in the kitchen area. “I was here to see some family. Try to convince someone to come to Coos Bay in Oregon to take care of my little boy.”

“I’d like tea, please. You have a son?” Yuuri smiled, placing a hand over his rounding stomach. “I hope to have a son, too, one day. But what about your wife?”

“She… passed away, two years ago. My son is currently being cared for by an old reverend and his wife. But I want him to know his family.”

“I understand… have you had any luck?”

“No, not yet. And if I can’t, I suppose I’ll have to give up my profession to raise him.”

“What do you do for a living, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Oh, sure. I lead wagon trains west on the Oregon trail. I’ve been doing so for more than twenty years now. Recently, I’ve taken off a few and allowed my good friend to lead. I taught him everything he knows, but he doesn’t enjoy it as much as I do. Still, he’s useful.”

“I understand. At least you’ll be assured people will be in good hands with your friend.”

“Yes, I know they will be. But I’m not really the settling type.”

Yuuri smiles at him. “I was supposed to head west with Charles, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.”

“Where do you live?”

Yuuri sighs, a strange pain shooting into his chest. “Dover. I’ll find my way back, I suppose, in the morning. I’m just so tired…”

.

“Yuuri… wake up…” Josef was hovering over him. “You blacked out there for a moment. Are you alright?”

“I-I did…? I’m sorry…” Yuuri’s head felt perfectly fine. But his stomach cramped awfully and he shivered without being cold. He thought that his clothes were simply soaked from his swim, but there seemed to be more to it than that. One moment he was perfectly fine, engaging in conversation with this kind man, and now suddenly, he was on the floor. 

And by the way Josef looked at him, something was very, very wrong.

“Here, um… I have a neighbor. Friendly lady named Lara. She’s probably more capable of helping. Do you think you can stand?”

“I think so…” Yuuri said, but he was unable to, so Josef left him where he’d fallen onto the floor. “I’ll get Lara. I’ll be back in just a minute.”

Yuuri nodded weakly, tipping his head back.  _ What’s happening to me…? _

.

Of course, Lara Giacometti doesn’t appreciate being woken up at two thirty in the morning by her temporary neighbor, but when she sees how pale he is as he explains the situation, she forgives him at once. She wakes her two daughters and orders them to clear a room. 

She doesn’t recognize the person that Josef sends her after, but she can see that he is very ill and needs her help. Lara’s never been one to turn anyone in need of help away. Some would call her ways an occasional inconvenience, but she has never paid anyone else’s opinion any mind. 

“Help me lift him. My husband will be over in a second.” No sooner than she spoke, her husband, Christophe, came inside. And so the two men lifted him, and Lara hurried along to make sure her girls were doing as told in the house. 

One of the girls was heating a kettle of tea while the other carried towels down from the linen closet. “Good, Lisa, put those on the bed. We’ll need them.”

“Why?”   
“Oh, I’d rather not speak of it. Let’s just do all we can to help, alright?”

“Alright, Mama.”   
“That’s a good girl.” Lara pat her cheek. “Here they come…”

“Oh my,” Lisa nearly drops the towels at the sight before them. 

“Lisa, the towels!”

“I can’t!” She shouts suddenly, shaking like a leaf. She, unlike her mother, is highly squeamish around blood. Sensing her distress, her twin sister relieves her of her duties and follows her parents down the hall to the guest room. She sets the towels over the sheets and helps the stranger settle into the bed. “Mama, who is—”   
“Shh…” Lara whispers, motioning for her daughter to meet her by the door. “I’ve no idea who he is, but we will do everything we can to help him. Understood?”   
“Of course, but Mama… what’s wrong with him?”

“I can’t say yet. Now, go and get the kettle—” Both flinch when they hear the bell ring. “Now who on earth…”   
“I’ll get it.” Louisa says. “You just… help him.”

And with that, Louisa hurried down the hall to answer the door. She finds a young man dripping wet, hat in his hands. “I’m looking for someone. I’ve got good reasoning to think he might be hiding here.”

“Who, exactly?”

“Yes, who was it you were looking for?” Her father chimes in from his perch on the stairs. “And good heavens, you’re soaked!”

“I’ve been out in search of Yuuri… Yuuri Pierce? He ran away earlier tonight, and I just want to make sure he’s safe. He’s not well, sir,” He takes a step into the house. “Just this night, he tried to drown himself in the bay!”

“Drown himself?” Christophe ushers his daughter away and stops the man from walking any further. “Who are you?”

“I’m Charles Pierce, Yuuri’s… husband.”   
“Oh, husband? Well, I’m sorry to say I haven’t seen any Yuuri’s tonight. If I do, I will let you know.”

“Would you, please? I’ll be staying nextdoor. Your neighbor, Josef Plisetsky, has been kind enough to let me stay.”

“Isn’t that nice?” Christophe said, wearing a smile until he shut the door in the man’s face. “Josef isn’t even home yet. He’s in my kitchen!” He murmurs to himself. 

“Father?”

“Something isn’t right about that man. I think we should ask before ever trying to let him in.”

With that, Christophe heads to the guestroom to check in on the young man he now understands to be named Yuuri.

Little has changed, and Lara is now at his side. “Excuse me, but do you know a Charles Pierce?”

Both saw the way Yuuri flinched at the name. “Yes, is he—”   
“I turned him away, but yes, he was looking for you. Soaked to the bone, I’ll add.”

“Thank you, but,” Yuuri swallows, hard. “If- if he comes back, let him in. He deserves to know.”

“Know what?”   
“Christophe.” Lara chides as Yuuri bursts into tears. “I’m sorry, dear, it’ll be alright.” She says to Yuuri.

Christophe gives up on trying to talk to the pair and goes back to bed.

***

The baby came in the early afternoon as a heavy snow came down from the heavens above. Lara was with Yuuri through the entire delivery, and both cried together when it was born alive because it wouldn’t be for long. It was a baby boy and he only lived for about twenty minutes, too small to survive on his own out in this cruel, unforgiving world. Yuuri gave him a name, pressed kiss after kiss onto his head and wept until his heart ached inside him. When his labored breathing started to slow, Yuuri wished again that he had never met this child’s father and lived the life his parents wanted. If he did, this child would never have been born, but at least he wouldn’t have to suffer through a painful, premature death.

And Yuuri wasn’t very religious, but he spent the baby’s dying moments praying for his older brother who also had died in infancy years ago, to watch over his son in the afterlife and care for him as Yuuri never could.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t have made a better life for you, my sweet baby,” He whispered to him. “But perhaps in the next one, you can make one for me. I love you.”

.

“Let him in,” Yuuri says the following afternoon, eyes bitter as he stares out the window at the falling snow. “He’ll be glad to know.”

“You don’t have to do this—” Lara tries to protest, but he isn’t swayed. Reluctantly, she lets the man into the room and leaves them alone, though she stays on the other side of the door to listen in. She just doesn’t trust him. 

“Nice neighborhood.” Charlie muses. “They’ve got a great view from here.”   
“Just shut up, Charlie.” Yuuri says sternly, never breaking his gaze from the window. “I know why you’re here, and I’m not going back to that Mr. Bartley.”

“You don’t know shit.” He snaps, and upon realizing just where they were, he repeated his sentence in a sing-song voice. “I’m here to take you to Missouri, silly. How else will we get to Oregon?”

“You said you wouldn’t take me unless I got rid of the- the—” Oh, he can’t even say it without crying. Doesn’t he already know? “You’ll be overjoyed to discover I have lost the baby. I don’t know why, I was in perfect health, and there appeared to be nothing wrong with him.” He sucks in a breath. “I suppose I’m incapable of bearing children. To you, that’s a blessing, I’m sure.”

Charlie is quiet for a moment. He sits on the side of the bed and sighs. “Will you be well enough to continue the trip? We were supposed to leave from Missouri in less than a month.”

Yuuri shrugs. “The Giacometti’s told me I’m more than welcome to stay with them. They, too, are going west, but they aren’t leaving for another month.”

“Is that so? Huh. Nice folks.”

“Charlie?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened, before we got on the boat? I- I remember getting a rag pressed to my mouth, and then I woke on the boat. And there are bruises around my stomach. Did you… did you hurt me?”

“What? You must be confused. I have never hurt you.”

Yuuri bites his lip. “Yes… yes you have. Many times.”

“Are you seriously going to accuse me of killing my own kid? Damn, what a liar you are! You have no proof! You’ve ruined my reputation enough already, but you’re back for more!”

“All I’m saying is that there’s bruises and you were the only one with me when I fell unconscious! You never wanted this baby anyway, so I wouldn’t be surprised!”

“Shut your damn mouth, Yuuri!” 

And Yuuri did, only until Charlie spoke again. “So, where is it?”   
“ _ He _ , and… and he’s still here.”

“What? Where?”

“I don’t know, Christophe took him. I won’t have him buried. I will take his ashes with me no matter where I choose to live.”

“I see.”

***

Glenfield Funeral Home and Crematory is just a short walk from the Giacometti’s house. Charles visits twice over the next few days.

He then announces he will be leaving for Missouri, telling Yuuri he can follow him if he wants, but that he doesn’t care.

Yuuri is given one night to decide, and Lara vows to not let him go.

So Yuuri sits on the bed, suitcase beside him and debates with himself. “Logically, I should go,” He begins. “I mean, it only makes sense.”

“Does it? You’re ill. You’ve just had a child. It actually makes more sense for you to continue to get some rest. You can go with us in April. And if you still want to be with him, he can always get a headstart on his home in Oregon by leaving now. But I’d advise you stay. You aren’t well enough for travel yet.”

“I know you’re right, but… if I don’t go with him now, I’ll never see him again. And I can’t rely on you forever, you don’t deserve that.”

“Hmm. The decision is yours, but I think we both know the right choice. Goodnight, Yuuri.”

.

“Do you think he’ll actually go?” Louisa asks her sister that night while the two of them struggle to sleep. “Something isn’t right about that Charles fellow. I don’t trust him.”

“I don’t either. And I don’t think Mama would let him go. She’s grown fond of him already.”

“I hope he stays.”

“Me too…”

***

In the morning, Lisa is the first to check Yuuri’s room. While he isn’t in his room, she finds him in the kitchen helping with breakfast. It seems that he is staying after all, but she decides not to mention anything about it. 

After breakfast, Yuuri gives her an envelope and asks her to take it to the nearest post office. It is almost too tempting not to open it, but she dutifully does his favor. On the way back, she sees the hearse cart outside her neighbor’s home. She didn’t know him well, but he seemed nice. He talked of his son often. 

“Father,” She calls, noticing her father standing by the front gate, watching the ordeal. “What happened to him?”

“I’m not sure, love. He wasn’t very old at all…”

“Does he have any family nearby?”

“Not that I know of.”

“That’s sad…”

_ I wonder how he died _ , She thinks to herself on her walk inside.  _ He was fit as a fiddle just a few days ago. _

* * *

**Missouri, March, 1855**

“Huh. That’s odd.” Victor Nikiforov joins his friend, Francisco de la Iglesia outside the post in Independence, Missouri after another day with no word from his friend, Captain Josef Plisetsky. 

“What is?” 

“Oh, I was expecting Mr. Plisetsky here by now. His party was to leave in two weeks. I just checked the post and he hasn’t sent a letter.”

“Hmm… is it like him to be late?”

  
“No, not at all. If he doesn’t show up, I’ll have to take his place. I usually take the late April, early May travelers since I’m good with cold weather.” Victor sighs, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I worry about him.”   
“How come?”   
“Cause if he dies, I have to adopt his son.”

“Victor, you devil.”

He laughs at his friend, but deep down he is worried. He just sent another letter back to Josef, but he doesn’t think that he’ll get a response.

_ Josef, _

_ Where are you? People are arriving now. I will go in your place. Not willingly. _

_ Victor _

Of course, Victor doesn’t tell Francisco that it took him more than a half hour to compose four short sentences, but English is hard, okay, and it’s usually Josef himself that writes Victor’s letters for him.

Fortunately, he’s never had many letters to write.

***

When the letter arrives for Josef a week later, it is actually Yuuri and the twins who receive it. The postman complains that many letters have been sent to Mr. Plisetsky, but he hasn’t come to pick them up in weeks. He asks them to give it to him, and Yuuri reluctantly agrees, not having the heart to admit that Mr. Plisetsky is dead. 

Yuuri spies the letter marked  **urgent** first, and against his better judgement, he opens it. “Oh dear.”   
“What is it?” Louisa asks.

“Mr. Plisetsky was expected in Missouri by now. To lead the travelers west?”   
“We were expected, too.” Lisa points out. “But everything will be ready for us when we get there. Why doesn’t this man think the same?”

“Mr. Plisetsky is dead now, you idiot.” Louisa chides her sister. “You should write back to that man, Yuuri. Tell him what happened so he isn’t left wondering.”

“You’re right, I should. Maybe I should send a telegram.”

“Good idea.”

And so, Yuuri does.

**To Mr. Victor Nikiforov**

**I regret to inform you that Josef Plisetsky has died on February 23rd STOP He was a neighbor and in good health, but the doctor supposes he died of a heart attack STOP I am heading west myself in just a few short days STOP I could bring along some of Mr. Plisetsky’s possessions, for his son to have STOP**

**Yuuri Katsuki**

And then, again,

**To Mr. Victor Nikiforov**

**Mr. Plisetsky saved my life a few weeks ago STOP I want to do everything in my power to help in this situation STOP**

**Yuuri Katsuki**

***

“What does this say, Francisco?” Victor asks his friend, because he’d read the second telegram first and was too confused to read the other. Francisco took the telegram from him and immediately looked dismayed. “It says here that Josef’s died. They think it was a heart attack.”

Victor swears under his breath. “Then… then who wrote the telegram?”

“His neighbor. It seems to me that they are on their way to Missouri now. Hopefully they’ll be here in time.”

“Damn it…”

“Damn it’s right… I’m really sorry about this, Victor. For you, and for the kid..”

Victor bows his head for a moment, and just before his friend places a hand on his shoulder, Victor composes himself and says, “Right, we’d better send a letter ahead to warn the family watching over little Yuri. Can you-”   
“Of course I’ll write it. You just go do what you’ve gotta do.”

***

**April 2nd, 1855**

Missouri is about as flat as Delaware, but it is much younger, and much less entertaining. At least, that’s how Yuuri felt when they stepped off the train in Independence, Missouri. There was much to do from the moment they collected their luggage and Yuuri did his best to help in whichever way possible as he lugged about a suitcase filled with Mr. Plisetsky’s possessions. He had to find this Victor Nikiforov and deliver it to him as soon as he could. 

Chris went to find a friend of his to check his inventory, as he’d already ordered all the animals, supplies, and the wagon ahead of time. Lara went to a nearby mercantile to see about food. The twins wandered off to a local stable to guess which animals would be theirs.

And soon, Yuuri was all alone. 

He knew the general direction he should go towards, at the very least. It wasn’t hard to see where the rest of the emigrants were gathering, about a mile west of the town. That seemed to be the most likely place Victor would be. And Yuuri really didn’t mind walking.

.

“And you said you were kicked out of your last train for…”

“For defending a poor woman being beaten by her husband, yes.” 

Yuuri nearly breaks into a run when he hears the voice of the man at the front of this line to speak with the captain. “I’m not troublesome, Captain Nikiforov, and my handyman skills are a force to be reckoned with. Alongside my tools, I can fix just about anything.”

For once, Charlie wasn’t lying. Being a handyman was actually his career back home. His ability to fix anything broken was the only form of his reliability. 

“Hmm… well, I can’t exactly turn you away. It would be easier if I had some sort of reference…”

“Oh, references? Of course. Here,” He opens his satchel and produces a photograph of the front of his rented shop in Dover. “This was my place of business.”

“I see. Have you got any experience in fixing… wagons?”   
“Plenty. We’ve got wagons back home, too.” 

.

“Next? Oh…” The captain stares at Yuuri with wide eyes for a few moments before he shakes his head, composing himself. “How can I help you?”

“Hi, yes, um…” Where was Yuuri’s brain? Why was it so hard to form a sentence. “Um… I’m Yuuri… Yuuri Katsuki? I wrote you…?”   
“Oh, yes, yes…” The captain stood, shaking his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“And you as well.” Yuuri says, blushing up to his ears.  _ He’s got such a firm grip… _ “So, uh, here’s Mr. Plisetsky’s stuff. The girls and I cleared out the house, we took anything that was salvageable. Additionally, Mr. Giacometti already spoke with the landlord and paid off the rest of the contract.”

“How kind of you. Thank you Yuuri, very much. Makes things a lot easier on my behalf.”

“You’re welcome, sir,” Yuuri smiles up at him, making no effort to walk away. They stare at each other like mad fools for a few seconds, until Charlie walks back over. “There you are, my charming wife!”

Yuuri didn’t miss the way Victor’s smile faded. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“Have you, now?” Yuuri frowns. “I was just speaking with Captain Nikiforov, here.”

“Ah, I see. Why don’t you come back with me to the camp now, and stop wasting the captain’s time?” The grip on his arm reminded him of the consequences of protesting. 

“Right…” He turns to face the captain. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Captain. I hope to speak to you again sometime. I meant what I said in the telegram.”

Victor puts on a smile and nods. “Certainly.”

As he watches the pair walk away (well, more like watching Charles pull Yuuri away by the arm) he finds himself feeling disappointed at the turn of events, but he isn’t sure why. He lifts Mr. Plisetsky’s suitcase and carries it back to his own belongings.

**.**

“There you are, Yuuri! We were wondering where you’d run off to— oh…” The expression Lara wore left little to the imagination when she saw him standing by Charlie. “I see he decided to wait for you after all…”   
Yuuri nodded quickly. “It’s better this way. One less person in your wagon.”

“I suppose that’s true.” She smiles weakly at him and takes his hands. “Come, I’ll gather your things.”

“I’ll help you.”

***

It’s noisy at night in the camp. Yuuri thinks they might be sleeping in the worst possible location, surrounded by far too many families with young, crying children. 

“Why did you wait for me?” Yuuri whispers in the dark. “After you said you wouldn’t?”

“I was kicked off the other train. It works better this way though, doesn’t it?

“I’m not… I’m not sure of that…?” Yuuri frowns. “Now I know you’ll be causing trouble.”

“All I did was hit a woman. But she was being really fucking rude.”   
“That doesn’t seem like reason enough to—”   
“Well, she  _ was  _ the Captain’s mother.”

“Charles! You’d better not do something like that again.”

“Or else what? What are you gonna do about it?”   
“Get you kicked out again. I’ll stay close to the captain and tell on you whenever you’re misbehaving.”

“Yeah, right. I’ll keep you confined to this wagon if you start chatting with that guy.”

“I’d like to see you try.” Yuuri turns away from him. “And besides, the Giacometti’s are going to keep a close eye on you. It wouldn’t be wise for you to try any funny business.”

“You’ve gotten brave.” 

“Brave? More like wiser.”

He blows out the candle beside them, adding, “I wouldn’t bet on that. Look where you’re sleeping.”

Yuuri knows he’s foolish to stay with Charlie. But he’s too afraid not to.

While he sleeps, he has nightmares. It’s been the same dream almost every night now.

_ That after he fell unconscious on his horse that night before his son was born, Charlie lifted him and slammed him into the ground. That he’s the one that killed the baby somehow, someway. _

But that’s ridiculous. He would never do something like that.

Would he?


	2. Chapter 2

“Good morning, everyone.” Charlie hates the captain’s accent. He hates how thick it is, partly, but mostly because of how much Yuuri admires it. He hates how Yuuri looks at him, how he hides a smile behind his hand after Victor walks past. It’s insulting! What does he see in the captain? Charlie tartly casts his thoughts away, and listens to the captain's announcement anyway. , 

“We’re heading out in less than an hour. For those who do not know, I am Victor Nikiforov. I’m twenty seven years young and taking the place of my dear friend Josef Plisetsky. I will be at the front of the train, but my friend Francisco here will be regularly checking in on all of you. Please ask him any questions you may have. He is more than willing to help.”

Francisco waves his hand from where he is seated on a log. 

“If there are any questions that you have in the meantime, your unit leader should also be able to help you.” Victor concludes. 

“Yeah, I got a question, though,” Charlie steps forward from the crowd. “What do we do if our unit leader is an asshole?”

“Well, since your unit leader is your captain, your only option is to leave.” Victor smiles warmly. “Anyone else?” 

And no one spoke, so the captain dismissed them all. Charlie tugged Yuuri back to their wagon. “I don’t want you talking to him anymore.”   
“Why?”  
“I don’t like him.” 

“Well I  _ do _ . He’s a perfectly reasonable man.”   
“And you seem to forget you shouldn’t be  _ looking  _ at any other man.”

“I can look anywhere I want, thank you very much.”  
“What’s the point of it other than to get yourself in trouble?”

“Why do we have to argue over something as stupid as this? I’m starting to wish you’d never joined this train and we haven’t even left yet!” As Yuuri starts to walk away, Charlie grabs his arm and jolts him around. “Watch your mouth.” He hisses. 

Head lowered, Yuuri says, “I wish, just for once, you’d behave. At least around everyone else. You’ll be found out soon if you don’t. You make it obvious.”

***

The bickering continued in the following days, intensifying in the evenings after many long days of travel. Yuuri’s dinners weren’t filling, and their mattress was too thin. People in their unit began to place bets on how soon they’d turn back!

But as the days wore on, Yuuri spends more and more time away from Charlie and instead walks with the Giacometti girls. On one occasion while they walked, Victor rode up behind them. Smiling, he asks Yuuri to ride with him. 

“I doubt Charles will let me take one of the horses.” Came Yuuri’s immediate excuse, even though he wanted more than anything to accept.

“That’s not a problem. I have a spare myself! Wait here.”

Within a few minutes, Victor returns with a saddled Appaloosa, just like his, only it is black. Yuuri climbs up without hesitation (though, he does need a bit of help). 

The two ride ahead of the train, but Yuuri doesn’t know what to say, or why he’s been brought out here. He is about to ask when Victor beats him to it. “I thought it’d be easier to tell you this than him, but you need to lighten your load. It is too much for your team.”

Yuuri blushes and looks down at his hands. “You’re right, I know you are. But it’s all his stuff. He won’t let go of any of it.”

“That could be dangerous for both of you once we begin on inclines.”

“I know.”

“Do you think you could persuade him?”

“I can’t say I could. You see, he hasn’t been very happy with me as of recent. He hates that I talk to you. He’s very jealous.”

“Why did you marry such a man?” Victor chuckles, face falling when he notices the look on Yuuri’s face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”   
“No, no, you’re right. I think- I think I’m only with him because there was a time when I had to be. With each day that passes, I like less and less about him.”

“It is the same for me, Yuuri.”

“I’m glad I’m not alone in that!” Yuuri bites his lip. “He wasn’t always like this. He reminds me of Heathcliff from  _ Wuthering Heights _ . He loves his Cathy fiercely, but he has quite a dark and villainous side to him when he feels he’s been wronged.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever read that, but that doesn’t sound good.”

“Oh, I’ve brought a copy with me if you’d like to borrow it! I know you’re busy as our captain, but it’s truly an interesting book—”   
“Thank you, but,” Victor slows his horse so they are side by side, “unfortunately, you’d be wasting your time, for I can hardly read. English, anyway, but no one publishes Russian literature  _ in _ Russian in this country.”

“Oh… I’m sorry. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to read a foreign language, let alone speak it! And you do quite well at speaking it. How long have you been here?”

“Only twelve years. I couldn’t speak a word of English when I got here. That is why Josef Plisetsky means so much to me. He helped me to learn. He was… like a mentor. A father figure, too, where my father couldn’t be.”

“Are your parents still alive?”   
“Yes, they live in Wyoming. I’ll see them on the way, as I always do.”

“Do you have any other family?”   
“An older brother, his wife, and their five boys. You?”   
“Wow… so many boys!” Yuuri smiles. “I have a sister and a godmother. The rest of my family lives in Europe, or- or Asia, of course, I’m sure there is some there, too.”

“Ah, of course. I have many family in Russia.”

“Do you ever miss them?”

“Do you miss yours?”

Yuuri shrugs. “I can’t go back, so what does it matter?”

“Then it’s the same for me!” Victor smiles at him. “Of course, I imagine I loved them, but I don’t really remember. There weren’t any neighbors where I lived, and I saw my other family maybe two times. The first at my sister’s christening, the second… when we left for America. My grandmother lived with us when I was young. I just remember her constant complaining that I was too noisy. But I was just a toddler!”

“Oh my,” Yuuri laughs, “I don’t think I would like her very much!”

“But I think her and your Charles would get along nicely.”

They talk for a long while, but inevitably, the conversation is reared back to the subject of the wagon’s heavy load. “Yuuri, perhaps you could see about purchasing more animals—”   
“No, we hardly have any money.” Yuuri says, eyes down. “I thank you for your advice, Captain. I’ll try to talk some sense into him, but he won’t care. Whatever breaks, he can fix. That’s his logic, anyway.”

“I’m sorry it has to be this way, then.”   
“What do you mean?”   
“Well, if he does not comply, he’ll have to be at the back of the train, in unit eight. I can’t risk the safety of the others. See what you can do, Yuuri. I hope for the best.” And with that, they turned back towards the camp. 

***

It’s lonely at night. Though many families in unit eight are more than willing to gather and be festive, even linking up with other units for real parties for birthdays or engagements and whatnot, Yuuri of course, is never allowed to go. Not because he wasn’t invited, no, everyone loved Mr. Pierce and invited him to everything in hopes of getting some free labor out of him, and naturally extended the invitation to Yuuri. But by the time evening rolled around, he was ordered to stay at the camp. “I’ve got too many valuables. You think I’m gonna let someone steal ‘em? They wanna see me anyway, not you.”

So Yuuri got used to watching the festivities from a distance, knowing damn well why he wasn’t wanting Yuuri to attend. 

Charles has always been a very flirtatious man. And Yuuri meant no disrespect to the others on this train, but there were many people, boys and girls, who would be considered “fast” back in the east. He had to hope they didn’t realize he was currently pretending to be married to Yuuri. While every other “married” person made friends with the other families and spent their days chatting to the others in the unit, Yuuri had no such luck. He walked behind his wagon whenever he wasn’t driving, and their wagon was the very last in the last unit of the train. There wasn’t much excitement back here. Every few days, though, the scout, Francisco, would swing by to check in, to remind him of the captain’s recommendations on lightening the load. He seemed very talkative with the others, but with Yuuri, he stuck straight to the point and then left. It came to the point where he played dumb and began asking the scout ridiculous, obvious questions just to get some sort of socialization. Francisco seemed to pick up on that eventually and warmed up a little. Yuuri learned he had a little boy and wife in Texas, which is where he worked on a ranch for twenty years until his family expressed the desire to move west, to California and join the gold rush. So Francisco was heading up to California first to scope out the land, which he did over the past two years. He’d been a scout before, of course, but this would be the first year he’d be leading a portion of the group to California on his own and officially begin building his home. 

During these conversations, Yuuri realized there was little he could contribute, as there was too much of his life that had to be kept a secret; why he left the east, his history with Charles, everything. 

How he longed for a friend! Oh, someone to confide in, someone to comfort him through all his inner turmoil that he’d tucked away since the death of his son. Whenever he thought of his poor child's death at night, he would naturally begin to tear up, and his "husband" would tell him rather sternly to shut up and go to sleep.

On one such night when his feelings got the better of him, he found himself alone as Charles was still out at a party that’d ended an hour ago. It didn’t take much to imagine where he was, particularly since he’d been flirting endlessly with a girl in unit six these past few days. It was a shame, too. She seemed nice, and now she was probably ruined forever.

Just as Yuuri began to extinguish the fire, a round of fresh tears running down his cheeks, he heard footsteps walking towards his camp (far off from the others, on purpose!). He wipes his eyes on the back of his sleeve and takes a deep breath, not in the mood to argue with Charles at the moment. But it isn’t him at all. It’s the captain!

“Sorry to disturb you at this hour,” Victor smiles softly. “But I had an idea and I couldn’t sleep until I told you about it.”

“You weren’t at the party?”   
“No, no… I can’t go to every party. It makes it more exciting when I  _ do  _ attend.” He winks at Yuuri, smile fading when he notices Yuuri’s tears. “Are you alright?”   
“Yes, yes, I’m fine. What was it you wanted to tell me?”

“Charles is terrible at his shifts of keeping watch, everyone says so. I think it would be a good idea for you to take his place, if you can.”   
“I can’t shoot.” Yuuri says.

“Well, I could teach you in no time at all. That way, you could at least socialize a bit. I know it isn’t fair that you’re being punished for his actions, all the way at the back of the train like this. So I want to do something to make up for that.”

“You’re very kind, but I don’t think he’d like that.”

“Think about it, at least. Even if you don’t take his place, you should learn how to shoot, and I’m more than willing to teach you. We could go in the early mornings a few times a week, or late into the evenings, after supper. The time is up to you.”   
“Thank you, Captain. I’ll think about it.”

Victor smiles and tips his hat. “Come see me in the morning, Yuuri, and let me know.”

“I… I wouldn’t want to take up so much of your precious time, Captain. What would people think?”

“Hmm… I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. I’ll offer to teach others, too, or have Francisco help out, just not at the same time as you. Unfortunately, you’d probably be the oldest and I wouldn’t want you to feel embarrassed.”

“Again, I thank you. I’ll think about it tonight.” He sighs, “Looks like I’ll have a lot of quiet time to do so.”

“I’ll go look for him. Maybe he’s fallen asleep over in unit seven. There  _ was  _ drinking going on…”

“No, don’t bother, he’s with a woman from our unit, no doubt, and I don’t want to be humiliated like that.” Yuuri forces himself to smile. “I should get to bed. Thanks again for your concern, I really don’t deserve it.”

When Yuuri has gone into his wagon, Victor whispers, “You do.”

***

A minor scandal broke the following day after word got out that Charlie Pierce took a tumble with a young widow; Philomena Baker. Said widow was engaged to the son of unit six’s leader and Mr. Baker said that a meeting would be called that very night to have Charlie removed from the train. When said meeting came about, unfortunately, none could agree to have him removed. He was too handy! He’d repaired six wagons already since the beginning of their trip, and in no time at all! So, he was given a stern warning to stay in unit eight, and unit two and six traded places to keep him farther away from Philomena. Everyone pitied poor Yuuri, who should’ve been mortified, but he didn’t seem too bothered. Every day, he just walked and walked, a distant air to him. Nearby wagons said they never even saw him eat or drink, but didn’t try to intervene, as it was none of their business how he dealt with such grief. 

Yuuri avoided the captain those few days and the captain was kept busy enough not to question it. At the end of a hot day, he thought little more than going to sleep, and he was sure Yuuri felt the same way.

As the party crept further into flat Nebraska and the hot sun on the back of their necks, the captain continuously reminded those in units one and two to stay hydrated and store as much water as they could at every river crossing. He hadn’t the time to tell every wagon that, so he relied on their unit leaders. And unit eight’s leader, some immigrant man with far too large a family— did make sure to check in on everyone’s water supply… except for the last wagon, because Charles assured him they had more than enough. 

In mid May on possibly the hottest day of the year; as Yuuri trudged alongside the wagon, he started to wonder how long it’s been since the last time he had something to drink.  _ Not yesterday _ … he thinks to himself,  _ perhaps the day before, I had a few sips at dinner. Oh, how I’d love something to drink.  _

He trips over a pebble in the road and it takes him a few moments to recollect himself. His head is pounding and he blames it on the heat, but maybe if someone has a breakdown up ahead, they’d stop soon. And if not, what was a few more hours on flat terrain? 

Struggling to take a deep breath, he gazed ahead through the dust at the endless train in front of him and noticed a horseman heading his way. Perhaps it was Francisco? It would be good to have someone to talk to, to take his mind off his thirst. Sure enough, there he was, in just a loose shirt and slacks instead of the furs he usually wore. He brings the horse to a halt beside Yuuri. “The captain wants to know if you’re drinking enough.”

“Why should he care?” Yuuri pants, clutching his chest as a sharp pain shoots through him. “I’ve drank just enough.”   
“Still, he wanted me to give you this.” He passes Yuuri a canteen filled with water as cold as ice, and Yuuri would be a fool not to take it. “T-Thank you.”

“Maybe you should rest for a while, get out of the sun. It sure is hot today.”   
“I sure will, sir.” Yuuri forces a smile but lets it drop when the scout is headed in the opposite direction. Yuuri’s fingers tremble as he tries to open the canteen.  _ Oh, thank God for Victor.  _ And as he starts to drink, a thought he had no business thinking comes to him:  _ I wonder if Victor’s ever put his lips on this _ . Startled at his internal thirst, Yuuri almost spits out the water.  _ Get yourself under control! You’re just dehydrated and delusional.  _

He notices just then that their wagon has stopped and he is now a few steps ahead. “Whatcha got there, honey?” Charles calls cheerfully, eyeing the canteen. Yuuri clutches it close to his chest. “It’s mine.”

He jumps down from the wagon and in an instant is grabbing Yuuri from behind, and the precious canteen. “Actually, it’s ours. And boy am I thirsty! Thanks, honey!” And with that, he returned to the wagon with the canteen in hand, drinking every last drop on purpose. He nudged the animals along and left Yuuri in the dust, not caring whether or not he followed. “T-That was mine…” Yuuri tries to say, but his lips are too tired to move. He hasn’t the strength to go on any further. He crawls into the grass on the side of the road and lies down to rest.  _ I’ll catch up _ .  _ I just need to rest a bit _ . 

As he lays in the tall grass, he finds it harder and harder to catch his breath, despite the fact he’s resting.  _ If I just lie stiller, focus on my breaths, I’ll be fine… breathe, Yuuri. Breathe! _

_ Why am I so tired…? _

He knows he’s hardly lie still for more than a few minutes, but he already feels himself becoming incredibly drowsy and soon dozes off beneath the hot sun.

.

A spoonful of water drips onto his face, startling him awake. The sun is low in the sky. His head is turned to the side, and all he can see are a pair of beaded moccasins, not at all like the ones Francisco wore… The moccasin pokes him, and Yuuri looks up to see a tall Indian man hovering over him inquisitively. “Why are you away from your people?” He asks, handing Yuuri the very canteen Charlie had stolen from him earlier. It was now filled with sweet water. “Please, drink. I thought you would never wake.”

After a few moments of drinking, Yuuri was able to sit up. To his dismay, he couldn’t see the wagon train from here. Lord, they could be miles and miles away! “I- I need to get back to my group. They were traveling through here earlier. Do you know where they are?”

The man nodded. “By now, they will have noticed you are missing. If they are a good people, they will search for you. Drink more. I will refill your canteen when you are finished.”

“I don’t think Victor will know.”   
“Victor?”   
“Our captain. He’s about the only person in that whole group who gives a damn about me.”

“Ah. I know him. Good man, he is. He wouldn’t let you stay lost.”

“Mmm… but my… companion would.”

“Husband?”   
“No, I haven’t got one.”

“You are brave, to travel unmarried.” He smiles, just slightly. “Wait here, if they have not found you by morning, I will take you there.”   
“Why can’t you just take me now?” Yuuri asks a bit impatiently. 

“They fear my presence and I don’t want to be shot. Rest. I will watch out.”

He hadn’t the strength to protest and his stomach churned from drinking too much water too quickly. Within another minute, he finds himself vomiting. The man doesn’t offer any assistance other than placing another canteen at his side, ordering him to drink more.

Yuuri falls asleep. 

***

He wakes again to find himself being lifted onto a vaguely familiar appaloosa. When he starts to grumble in protest, he feels a warm hand stroke his cheek. “Just rest, Yuuri. I’ve got you.”

“Is he alright?” Francisco asks, riding beside him.

“Yes, someone must’ve been taking care of him. There are two canteens here…”

“Huh. Guess it’s a good thing, though. Should I ride ahead and let Mr. Pierce know?”   
“No, I’ll take him to unit one for now to be checked over by Dr. Feltsman. He can rest there overnight.”

.

“I know that look, Nikiforov,” Francisco says on the long ride back to camp. Victor shrugs his shoulders. “What look?”

“He’s married.”

“What? Of course I know that! I wasn’t saving his life in hopes he’d marry me. I saved him because it’s the right thing to do, and you’d do it too.”   
“Well, yeah! But I see the way you look at him. You’ll be a lost cause soon, Captain.”

“Knock it off, Cisco. I wouldn’t even call Yuuri and I friends, let alone lovers. Half the time I’m not even sure Yuuri remembers I exist.”

***

Yuuri’s in much better shape the following morning, but Dr. Feltsman insists he stays and rests in the wagon until that afternoon, when the rain hit. Until then, it was just too hot. So he rested. He surprised himself by sleeping well through the afternoon!

At supper, Mrs. Feltsman served him a warm soup and left him alone at the back of the wagon. Yuuri asked after Charles, to which she replied, “My dear, I wonder if he’s noticed you were gone.”

He leans back, shutting his eyes for a moment. “We are low on water, Mrs. Feltsman. He probably saw it as a blessing in disguise, my disappearance!”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Yuuri startles at the appearance of the captain.  _ Right, I’m in unit one. He didn’t go out of his way to see me.  _ “We’ll be at a river crossing tomorrow. Plenty of time to stock up.” His smile is thin. “I’ve just had a talk with him, Yuuri. And now, if you’re up to it, I’d like to have a word with you, too.”

He nods quickly despite the blush in his cheeks.

The two walk over to Victor’s encampment; a lonely place save for an older woman who cooks for him— a relative, as Yuuri understands. “Yuuri, I didn’t want to say this in front of the others, but I think you should stay with the Giacometti’s for a while, for your safety. Maybe I’m being outspoken or rude, but I just don’t trust that Charles. There’s no way he didn’t notice your absence, and if he did, why wouldn’t he have stopped right away to look for you? Something isn’t right.”

“It’s alright, Captain. He simply doesn’t care. But what complaint can I give? I’m burden enough to him, physically, emotionally, financially. He can do what he likes to me, I owe him too much.”

“That’s not true, Yuuri, and I wish you wouldn’t think of yourself that way. The only burden in your situation is the heavy load he puts on those animals’ backs. I bet his wagon will tip tomorrow.”

“He’s so stubborn.” Yuuri scowls. “He won’t listen to me or anyone else! Let him sink! D-Do you know what he did with the water you gave me? He drank every last bit just because you gave it to me!”

“He… what?” Victor scowls. “No husband would ever—”   
“He’s upset with me recently. He’ll calm down eventually. I just have to hide my water supplies.”

“You shouldn’t have to—”

“What? Unless someone else was to take me off his hands, we aren’t to decide how he treats me.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think he’s trying to get you killed.”

Something changed immediately in Yuuri’s expression. His shoulders slumped and it’s clear Victor’s words hurt him. “If I’m staying with the Giacometti’s, I better go now.”

.

After his night with the Giacometti’s, Yuuri goes back to his own wagon and everything goes back to normal for well over a week. Charles goes to his parties, starts scandals, but no punishment is ever given. Yuuri grows more miserable, more hopeless in his situation. 

At the very least, he’s grown accustomed to sleeping alone in the wagon, which is a bit more comfortable. Charles gets back so late that he resorts to sleeping in a hammock under the wagon, which apparently gets him better sleep. Yuuri doesn’t mind.

But during the day, things are brutal. Whether it be from his hangover or growing tired of life on the trail, all semblance of pleasantry has gone and Yuuri was left getting hurt in more ways that just emotionally. But he couldn’t tell anyone. As terrible as his treatment was, it wasn’t illegal. No one could do anything to stop it. Or want to.

No one except maybe…

On one Sunday morning he managed to cross paths with the captain after a morning service in unit five. Some Catholic missionary gentleman who talked too much about the superiority of the sinless and the damnation of those who sinned. It wasn’t exactly an uplifting message to Yuuri who’d probably done every sin in the book. The captain, making a surprise appearance, didn’t look too interested, either. He sat in the front row, beside him the scout was nodding fervently, but going about his own prayers on his rosary in silence. 

After the far-too-lengthy service concluded, Yuuri summoned the courage to approach the captain, and the captain looked glad that he did. “Um… I just wanted to tell you that… um… evenings are probably best for me— um, us, I mean— to practice shooting? I’m a fast learner so I shouldn’t take up too much of your time, and—”   
“Would you like to start tonight?”

Yuuri nods. “If- If it wouldn’t be too much trouble. I know I’ve got to learn as soon as I can. And- and I want to start going on watch at night. I know it’s not proper, but I’m just as capable as any other man, and I won’t drink and fall asleep.”

“I know you won’t. You’re very dependable. Until tonight then, Yuuri,” The captain tipped his hat and was on his way, soon surrounded by people who fought for his attention. 

Yuuri slipped back through the crowd and found his way back to camp, where Charles was still asleep. Life is always better when he’s asleep. 

***

When evening comes around, Yuuri dresses in simple breeches, as wearing anything else would not be appropriate for treking about in the wilderness. After supper, Yuuri waited until Charles went to flirt with that Philomena girl, and then slipped off unnoticed to the captain’s camp, heart determined.  _ I need to make myself useful, in case I get the opportunity to leave him.  _

Victor was waiting with his two horses and a smile. “I’m glad you’ve come. Are you ready?”   
“As I’ll ever be.”

“Perfect.” Victor helps him up into the saddle, adding, “Oh, this is Elinor, by the way. She’s a very sweet horse and not as tricky as Bridget, whom you rode last time.”   
“Ah. Thank you for that.” Yuuri strokes the mare’s mane, not sure of what else to say.

Not two minutes after Victor leads them off into the fields, he adds, “I wanted to talk to you, earlier after service, but I couldn’t find you.”   
“Talk to me about what?”

“Nothing in particular. We’ll, uh, be at Chimney Rock in a couple of days. There won’t be many sights to see after that ‘til Independence Rock, unless you count Laramie. Though personally I’ve never found Laramie to be very exciting,” Victor continues, “My brother lived there for a couple of years running a mercantile, but nowadays he’s farther out in Fort Bridger. He goes to Salt Lake City a lot.”

“Hmm… I hear a good bit of people head for Salt Lake and go no further.” Yuuri says. “I’d almost be willing to live there myself if it weren’t for the stuff I hear about Mormons. My mother would die of a heart attack, and I’m not sure Charles wouldn’t join them just so he could have multiple spouses and not get in trouble.”

Victor laughs at this, but the laugh doesn’t reach his eyes. “They’re decent folk. Not exactly my thing, but I respect a good man regardless of his religion.”

“What do you practice?”   
“Nothing this country has to offer. I left my religion in Russia. You?”

“My sister is Presbytarian but I don’t care much for church. I’d once been interested in Catholicism but I think the missionary is ruining that for me.”

“Ah… I have to admit he can be a bit… intense, I suppose? It’s not common for us to get Catholic preachers and not some other Christian ones, too. I know our Italians and Francisco are glad to practice their faith, but there are many who hate Catholics, you know, so I do worry about that.”

“I don’t think, given the circumstances, they can be too picky about who preaches to them.”

“Wise words. Here we are. I set it all up earlier.”

Before them on various posts were difficult targets; already cracked glass bottles, cans, and to his amusement; a stuffed turkey. “Where- where did you get that?” Yuuri grins. “Is that real?”   
“It sure was. You find weird things on the side of the road. And a taxidermist turned around last week.”

Additionally, there were actual painted targets, one nailed to a tree, another in the field a good ten yards away. “And these?”

“People used them to teach and I borrowed them. Now, we’ll start with the boring stuff, first and then get to the fun.”

Yuuri’s taught about loading and unloading the rifle, cleaning it, about the safety, and a million other things Yuuri probably won’t remember tomorrow. After what seems like ages, Yuuri is allowed to practice. Victor helps him aim with his arms around Yuuri’s, which is strictly professional and shouldn’t have his heart thumping in his chest, but it does nonetheless. There is something calming about being in Victor’s arms like this, and Yuuri accidentally leans back just a bit, his cheek against Victor’s forearm. He pulls away suddenly, face red. “Sorry, sorry… I didn’t mean to do that.” He positions the rifle again and fires at one of the targets, narrowly missing. 

“That’s alright, Yuuri. Try again.” Victor gently places his arms around Yuuri again to help him aim. “Your hands shake a lot. Take that into consideration.”

_ It’s not because of anything other than how you make me feel!  _ Yuuri nods despite himself and fires again, barely hitting the target. “I- I did it!”   
“Not bad. Try shooting the turkey this time.”

The rest of the evening goes well. Yuuri is still a terrible shoot, but that just means he gets to have more lessons in the future, which isn’t such a bad thing. Yuuri might have gone to bed happy for the first time since long before the journey began had it not been for a certain jealous someone. Yuuri is surprised to see him, being that there was a gathering going on in their neighboring unit and he never missed a chance for free food and music. But there he is, seated by the fire, drunk as a skunk. “Know what I heard?”

Yuuri walks past him, startling when his wrist is grabbed and he is yanked back. “I heard you were out with the captain. I told you to stay away from him!” Charles shouts, giving him a shake for good measure.   
“Let go of me.” 

“You never listen ‘til it’s too late. Then I have to punish you.”

“Punish me,” Yuuri scoffs, though his eyes fill with tears, “punish me for what, for learning a skill? For talking to someone other than myself?”

“You run your mouth off too much, you know. I hate that shit. Ungrateful little bitch.”

He’s been called worse, so he doesn’t even flinch. 

“You know what? Come here. Come here!” There’s no use in struggling, at least, not until Yuuri’s over the fire, held only by his waist. The scorching heat burns at his skin, and if he comes any closer he’ll melt! “Next time I catch you with that bastard, I’ll skin you alive and burn you over this very fire. Understood?”

“Y-You wouldn’t…” Yuuri whimpers, sweating profusely. If he struggles, he’ll be dropped into this fire… but if he doesn’t…

“Promise me.”   
He doesn’t know where the determined voice inside of him came from that said so firmly, “No, I won’t!” but he wishes he could kill that voice. In response, Charles lifts Yuuri away from the fire, and, just when Yuuri thinks he’s safe, he grabs Yuuri’s left hand and places it in the fire!

***

In the coming days, nobody sees Yuuri. Apparently, he’s not feeling well, but Victor knows better. Since he can’t check himself, he sends Francisco, who finds that Yuuri doesn’t want to talk to him. That alone is suspicious. So he asks Francisco to take a message to Yuuri, which asks him if he’d like another lesson early on Sunday morning. 

Yuuri accepts, but says it has to be very, very early. 

.

At dawn, Yuuri arrives. His hands are gloved and he looks very, very pale, but assures Victor he wants to take his lesson. Victor tries to start a conversation on the ride to the nearest field but Yuuri is quiet. Unusually so. Something is wrong. 

Yuuri hits the target with worse accuracy than the previous lesson and Victor can’t help but notice that he seems to be in pain. “Do you- do you want my help aiming again?”   
“No. I’m fine.” Yuuri says stiffly. As if on cue, he shoots the stuff turkey in the center. 

“Good job, Yuuri—” But then he shoots the turkey again. And again. And again. 

“Yuuri…” He doesn’t stop, despite his shoulders shaking with sobs, he hits the target every time, and all the ones around him. Victor places a hand on his shoulder and Yuuri drops the rifle. “It hurts so much!!!” He shouts, tearing off the glove on his left hand. “ _ I wish I could shoot him _ !”

“What happened?” Victor asks, horrified at the infected burn covering the back of Yuuri’s hand and part of his palm. “Did he- did he  _ do  _ that to you?”

“Yes, because of you!” Yuuri blurts, turning to face Victor. His eyes widen at his own words and he quickly clarifies, “Because he doesn’t want me to see you. He wants me to be alone for the rest of my life and I’m so tired of it! I’m so tired of being held back!”

“Yuuri—”   
“No, let me— let me scream about it! No one else will listen…”

Victor smiles weakly and hugs Yuuri from behind, listening to his ramblings. “I’m listening. I think he’s a terrible man and you should leave him. That is, after I take you to Dr. Feltsman about that hand. Maybe we can get him removed from the train.” 

Yuuri sniffles and bows his head. He hesitates a moment, then turns around and hugs Victor tightly. “Why are you the only one who treats me like a person?”

This question crushed Victor’s heart to its core. He didn’t  _ know  _ why, and he wished he could offer some words of comfort, but what could he say? It was true. 

Victor strokes his hair, resting his chin on the top of Yuuri’s head. He knows he shouldn't, but Yuuri hasn't been comforted in so long and needs it right now more than anything else. “I don’t know why. All I know is that it’s not right, how he treats you. And I wish you were treated far better. That’s what you deserve.”

“What should I do?” Yuuri whispers, clinging to Victor even tighter. “Help me.”

“I will.” Victor says softly. “I just don’t know how. But I will try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to Hawesome for being my beta! Couldn’t do it without them!
> 
> I'm gonna try to update every two weeks, folks, stay tuned :')
> 
> Next time: A lot of bad stuff, but things start turning around for Yuuri, too :)


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri’s hand is throbbing and it takes all he is not to shout out in agony while the doctor cleans the burns. “What did you do, put your hand in the fire?” The doctor asks, smile toying at his lips. Victor is standing outside the wagon, pacing back and forth. Yuuri hopes that he won’t tell the doctor the truth about his injury… 

“By accident,” Yuuri replies, fighting back tears at the pain, “God, it hurts so much…”  
“It is infected. Not good.” The doctor says. He covers Yuuri’s burn in some sort of ointment and then carefully wraps it in a clean cloth. “Don’t take this off until I’ve seen you again tomorrow, alright? I’ll clean it and redress it then. See how it’s healing.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Oh, and Yuuri…” He catches Yuuri’s good hand. “What exactly did you do to it? Burn it while cooking?”  
“Good evening, Dr. Feltsman.”

“No need to be embarrassed,” He calls after Yuuri on his way out, “it happens to everyone! Just be careful next time!”

.

Victor won’t let him go back to his own wagon. He insists that Yuuri stays with the Giacometti’s indefinitely, but Yuuri just can’t… it’s embarrassing. Admitting he was wrong, admitting _any_ truth is too difficult. 

But it’s not like he can just say no… Victor is too insistent. If Yuuri didn’t know better, he’d say that the captain was being protective of him!

So he goes to Lara and no questions are asked. Chris sleeps under the wagon in his hammock without complaint, and Yuuri tries not to think about why he is here; what he will say should Lara or anyone else ask what happened to his hand. It does feel a little better now, at the very least. Better enough to sleep.

.

That morning, the seven unit leaders, along with Victor and Francisco gather to discuss the situation. Unfortunately, the vote was in Charles’ favor, five to four; the opposing members being Victor, Francisco, Mr. Baker from unit six (whose soon-to-be daughter-in-law was ruined by Charles, if you’ll recall), and the leader of unit three, Chris’ unit (Chris made sure to persuade him prior to the meeting). They all, however, agreed that until Yuuri’s hand healed it wouldn’t be too scandalous for him to stay with another family. 

The results angered Victor to no end, and over the next week he specifically spends his time with the leaders of units two, four, five, seven, and eight, trying to persuade them to change their minds. 

In the meantime, Charles is insufferable. Every day, he argues with Chris and demands that Yuuri comes back with him. “I can’t cook for my damn self” was his number one reason as to why he needed Yuuri. But Chris was firm. Yuuri wouldn’t come back until his hand healed completely. 

Victor visits every day while Yuuri’s hand is healing. Sometimes he hardly says anything at all, but he almost always is next to Yuuri, and that alone is comforting. Yuuri knows he means well, but he’s incredibly naive if he thinks that he can get Charles removed from the train without Yuuri having to come with him. 

Still, it’s nice to know someone cares… 

One evening while Yuuri helps Lara prepare supper, she points out that very fact. 

Yuuri shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know whether I’d go with him or not.”

“Do you know what I think, Yuuri?”

“Hm?” He’s distracted by the cooking and doesn’t expect her answer.

“I think you and Charles aren’t really married.”

“What??” Yuuri almost drops the mixing spoon into the pot. He sets it down beside him and turns to her, waiting for an explanation. 

“Perhaps I’m wrong, but… I think it makes sense. Your child was born out of wedlock. I’m not going to judge you about that, Yuuri. It doesn’t change my opinion of you in the slightest. But if it is the truth, that could work to our advantage, to keep you away from that wretched man permanently.”

Yuuri doesn’t answer at first, but Lara won’t let it drop. He has no choice. “No, we have been married for months.” He says softly. “And that is all I will say on the matter, other than the reminder that he would never willingly let me go if it meant I’d be happy.” He slowly and quietly returns to his task, Lara watching him with something between pity and bitterness in her gaze. 

“I’ll kill him,” Lara mutters, but she says nothing more, knowing Yuuri doesn’t want to talk about it. 

After supper, Yuuri sees Charles standing nearby and knows he must go. So he slips away unnoticed after supper and follows him back to their camp.

“Enjoy your pity party?” He mutters with contempt, his grip on Yuuri’s arm turning painful. “Well, it’s over now.”

“I never asked for their pity.” Yuuri says firmly. “They thought I deserved it, but I wouldn’t accept it.”

“Next time I should burn your feet so you won’t go around running your mouth about me. They’re trying to get me kicked off the train! Do you think I can afford to join a third party??” 

“There won’t be a next time. If you _ever_ try hurting me again, I will kill you, Charles. And I mean it.”

“You’re not gonna do shit other than cry to your little boyfriend, that bastard captain. He’s got a lot of nerve chasin’ after you when he thinks you’re married.”

“He’s just a friend, and he’s worried about me. Who wouldn’t be when I burned my hand like that?” 

“Who cares...” He murmurs. “I’m hungry. Make yourself useful for a change and cook something. Or is that hand of yours too painful to do shit?”

“If you stubbed your toe you’d be moaning and groaning in the back of the wagon for a week, so don’t you even try it.” Yuuri shot back. Lord, had it not been for his friendship with the captain, he would’ve wished that his life could just go back to the way it was before this party, before the loss of his son, before...

He makes a quick supper and the two eat together in peace for a good while, until Yuuri notices one of the animals limping. “What happened to that one?”  
“Dunno.” 

“Will it be able to walk tomorrow?”  
“Nah, I’m gonna shoot it later. Maybe we can sell the meat.”

“Shoot it? B-But…”

“Look, Yuuri, this isn’t the city. There are no animal doctors and no one can afford to tote around an injured animal. Leave it to me, alright? Damn…”

Yuuri stole a glance at the poor suffering animal and frowns. “If we lose that one, the load will be even harder on the others. You know that everyone’s suggested lightening the load…”

“They’ll be fine. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.”

“They’re _right_ . We… we need to figure something out, Charlie. The captain says we’re going to be treading into more difficult land soon, and—”  
“Enough about that guy! I don’t care what he says, I know what’s best for my own damn wagon and animals. And you know what’s gonna happen if you keep talking to him.” 

***

The following day is a treacherous river crossing, and Yuuri, knowing well his own wagon won’t make it across safely, slips away to find the captain and beg to ride across in his own wagon with the cook. Victor, of course, accepts, and asks Yuuri to stay for breakfast, since he knows at this point that Yuuri does not eat nearly as much as he should. Yuuri accepts and the cook makes another plate for Yuuri. 

“Where do you live during the cold months?” Yuuri asks after clearing his second plate. He hasn’t eaten since the day before yesterday, but Victor doesn’t know that. 

“I have a house in Oregon. Josef kept building it up for me in hopes I’d stick around a full winter and meet and marry some nice person, but I hardly stay there. Most of the fall I spend with my brother, helping him however I can out in Wyoming. I think my house is dusty by now.”

“If you were to marry, would you stop your current career?”  
“No, I can’t say that I would.”

“So, what would your wife do while you were gone?”

Victor laughs and shakes his head. “I wouldn’t marry a woman. And my spouse would just have to be very independent. They could either come along with me and spend their youth just like this, or stay at home and live their own life however they wish.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad…” Yuuri admits. “Why, if I weren’t—”  
“Yuuri.” Right on cue, there’s Charles, seething with rage. “What did I tell you? What did I fucking _tell_ you?!”

Yuuri startles, but stays put on the chair beside the captain. But Victor stands. “Is there a problem, Mr. Pierce?”

The veins in his neck are bulging and he looks seconds away from exploding. Yuuri hurriedly walks over to Charles, and, to everyone’s shock, is backhanded for everyone to see. Before Victor can say anything, they are gone, Yuuri being dragged through a gathering crowd back to his own wagon. 

Victor knew it then, he _had_ to get Charles removed from the train. To his luck, the leader of one of the units that previously supported Charles had been standing by to watch the argument. “Did you _see_ that, Jeb?”

The man looks uncomfortable. “It ain’t exactly our business, ya know…”

“I have rules on this train, Jeb. Violence against another person is strictly forbidden, no exceptions. We’ll vote on it tonight, again. I hope this time you’ll stand by my side. This… soon enough, could be life or death for that poor young man!”

“Alright, Cap’n, you got me on that one. Lord knows if it were my kid bein’ treated like that, I couldn’t stand for it, no sir. It’s just that, ‘til now, I ain’t never seen what y’all been talkin’ about. Thought it was just an exaggeration. But maybe yer right. It’s a damn shame it had to be this way, though. He sure is handy to keep around.”  
“We’ll just have to get by without him. Someone’s life is worth far more than a handyman sticking around wreaking havoc.”

“I suppose yer right on that, Cap’n. Yessir, I’ll vote ‘im off tonight. An’ I’ll go an’ talk to Mister Kennedy over in four, tell ‘im what I saw. That way y’all will know for sure he ain’t stayin’ on.”

.

“You’ve really gotten arrogant, you know that?” He pushes Yuuri into the back of the wagon and pulls the flaps closed behind them. Yuuri is lying on his back and looks up at Charles in fear. There aren’t any others around to help him if…  
“I’m tired of warning you. I’m tired of the same damn disrespect. Learn your place!”

Yuuri’s tears sting his eyes, and his face burns, not because of being repeatedly struck or from the insults, but of shame. The shame of the captain having to see him get hit, of _everyone_ seeing that… that’s the worst pain he’s feeling at the moment.

“Nothing to say?”

Yuuri turns his head. “The wagon will sink today unless you lighten the load.”

Charles laughs at him. “Think so? I hope it does, with you in it.”

.

It was late in the day when it came time for unit eight’s crossing of the river. Yes, at twenty feet deep and dozens of feet wide, it was no easy feat, but there hadn’t been a disaster yet today. It was probable that there _would_ be one, and who else would cause one except for Charles Pierce himself?

Victor had said for weeks that their wagon was too heavy, and now that they were an animal short, it was only a matter of time before their situation went downhill. 

Victor stayed close-by when it came time for Yuuri’s crossing, assuring himself that should anything go wrong, he’d be right there to help wherever needed. Yuuri’s safety was his priority. 

Ropes were strung tight across the river to help guide the wagons across and thus far helped make crossing easier. Victor waited on the other side, helping to tug the rope. Yuuri is seated in the front, clutching onto the bench and looking a bit green as they are pulled into the water. The first half of the heist was successful, but halfway through, when the current was at its strongest, the wagon started to sway, tugging backwards and jerking sideways… Victor plunged into the water, shouting: “Yuuri, _jump_!” 

Yuuri looks frightened at the sudden command, but quickly abandons the wagon jumping forward just in time to slip away from the wagon as it capsizes. Victor wades as deep as he can possibly stand and in seconds Yuuri is in front of him— he swims like a fish!— panting, but in good shape. “I-I t-told him!” Yuuri exclaims, coughing up a bit of water as he clings onto Victor. “He never listens!”

Victor says nothing, not until Yuuri is safely on the shore. Then, “Are you alright?” barely ghosts his lips before Yuuri hugs him tightly, shaking like a leaf. He whispers, barely audibly, “Don’t let him take me”. Victor hadn’t the time to ask what he means, for his shoulder is firmly clasped and he is yanked out of the way by a sopping wet, furious Charles. 

“ _If you’d just listened to Victor and lightened the load_ — don’t even give me that look! You want to lighten the load now? Come here, let’s lighten it!!!” Dragging Yuuri by the collar, he takes him to the shore, where several men were hauling the tipped wagon ashore and stacking their belongings. “We can start with this shit!” He grabbed a suitcase off the top of the pile and tossed it open. “This worthless shit takes up _far too much_ room, I think!” The suitcase was thrown into the water, papers and letters fluttering away in the wind, some landing in the water, others going elsewhere. Yuuri appears stricken but says nothing. He is on his knees with his head down. He knows Charles’ pride has been hurt.

“I bet the captain holds you in such high regard. Would he if he knew the truth about you? If he knew what was in this here chest?” He smirks, giving the chest a shake. Something rattles inside, and Yuuri’s eyes widen. 

“That’s quite enough of that, Mr. Pierce. Calm yourself down. Though the tipping may have been able to be prevented had you heeded our advice, it is a common occurance and no reason to throw a fit, since no one was hurt.” Francisco chimes in, looking slightly amused by the ordeal. “The heaviest of your belongings is, no doubt, the oak furniture.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Charles helps Yuuri to his feet and leads him into the water, chest under the crook of his arm. “This is oak, isn’t it?”

Yuuri cries out, lunging after the chest which was hurled into the water, about ten feet away, and it soon sank beneath the surface. “See if your precious Victor will want you now, you slut!”

Yuuri immediately wades into the water, though he is tugged by the current and too weak to go after it, and he goes deeper and deeper until Victor realizes he must be stopped. “Yuuri, it’s no use,” He says from a few feet away, holding onto the rope and reaching out his hand. “I’m sorry, I don’t think you’ll find it.”

“I have to! I have to…” Yuuri takes another deep breath and slips underwater, swimming to the bottom and coming up within fifteen seconds, panting and coughing. 

“Yuuri… you’re exhausted. Please, let’s—”

“ _My baby’s in there_!” Yuuri hysterically cries out, capturing everyone’s attention.

Victor is floored with a million questions at once, but there’s no time to think about any of them, or to ask, or to try and understand. He pulls Yuuri to him and places Yuuri’s hand on the rope. “I will find it. But I’m not going to lose you too in the process. Go to the shore.” He says, and with that, disappears underwater. 

Yuuri trusts him, and pulls himself back to the shore where he’s received by Lara, who’d heard the commotion and came to investigate. She wraps him in a towel to dry off and urges Yuuri to come to camp to warm up and get away from Charles — who was being interrogated by two unit leaders and Francisco.

.

“Let’s get you out of those wet clothes,” Lara says as she leads Yuuri to the back of her wagon. “There’s no way you’re fitting anything of Christophe’s while looking modestly, but at least until your clothes are dry… and I’m sure nobody’d mind.”

He nods, numbly accepting her help in undressing from the sopping wet, muddy clothes. She eyes his upper arms critically and the bruises there, frowns deeply, but says nothing.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen now, Lara. If- If he is removed, he won’t let me stay here.”

“No?”

“And I have nothing. I couldn’t ask anyone to take me in. I’d have to go with him.”

“Yes, if he was your husband, you’d have to leave with him.”

Yuuri pauses, Christophe’s large shirt still in his hands. “ _If_?”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Yuuri, I already know. I wrote to your parents the day after you came to me, and they told me everything. I was just waiting to see when you’d admit it to me.”

“But- but how did you…?”

“Your godmother and I went to school together, my boy, and have been close friends for years. She has often written to me of her darling godson, and complained of the boy he toted around. I put two and two together.”

Yuuri looks down, too ashamed to comment.

“You don’t have to be ashamed, Yuuri. To anyone else, I might judge, but in your case, your lack of matrimony may well save your life. You don’t have to go with him. And if you worry about no one wanting to take you in, you couldn’t be more wrong. You know you always have a place with us. At least until you marry the captain.” She adds with a wink. 

“Lara!”

.

During supper with the Giacommeti’s, the captain himself sloshes over in his sopping wet boots and places an oak chest beside Yuuri. He then looks to Chris and tells him it’s time for the vote, and the two men leave together.

“Do you think I can listen in on the vote?” Yuuri whispers to Lara. “I want to know what people think.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be filled in later, if he indeed is removed. I think it’s best you stay here, for your own safety.”

Yuuri nods, though disappointed, and heeds her advice.

.

The captain returns with Christophe well over an hour later, merry and eyes shining bright, despite a very handsome bruise covering his cheek and a split lip.

Christophe has a few bruises himself!

“Good Lord! What happened to you two? Come sit by the fire. Yuuri, heat up those biscuits!” Lara scowls at her husband. “You aren’t a young man anymore, Mr. Giacometti.”

“No, I daresay I’m quite young. What a night!” He and Victor move to sit by the fire, where Yuuri places a cup of coffee in each of their hands. “Where do we begin, Captain?”  
“The vote!”

“No, no, before the vote! When the bastard wouldn’t show up!”  
“You tell it, then! I wasn’t there for that.”

“Right, right…” Christophe takes a lengthy sip of coffee, compliments Yuuri on its taste, and then says, “We waited a good twenty minutes for the man, but when he didn’t show, Francisco and I went to find him. He was minding his own business at his wagon, eating his dinner. ‘Sir, you do recall we’re holding a meeting concerning you?’ I asked. He smiled at us bitterly and said, ‘Yeah, let me know how it goes’. But Victor wanted him there, so we insisted, and he threw a fit, stomping over to the meeting like a bratty child. He planted himself in front of everyone and crossed his arms.”

“Then,” Victor takes over in telling the story, “I explained his offenses to everyone, and each time he refuted his offense, saying I was lying. But what happened today, we all saw with our own eyes, did we not? So we asked his defense on the subject. He said it was ‘none of our damn business’. We took a vote. This time, only two came to his defense and it was decided that he would be exiled at the next fort, and until then, he was to be kept under constant supervision and separated from the rest of the group. He asked about you, Yuuri, and whether or not you’d come with him. I hope you don’t mind, but I said I’d never let you near him again.”

“Which was pretty brave, I’ll admit,” Chris adds, “and that just set Charles off. He got up and charged at Victor and got a punch in before we held him back, but Victor said to let him come! That he could take him. So we let him go, and the stupid fool went right back up to the captain, and got decked right in the face!”  
“And the bruises on you, Captain?” Yuuri asks shyly.

“He tripped me and I stumbled and hit my face on a nearby tree.”  
“And Chris?”  
“Oh, he started fighting the bastard for laughing and the two of them went at it. And then I jumped back in. Admittedly, I’ve got a lot of pent up rage at him, for what he’s done. And I think some of the other men just wanted in on the fun.”

At this, Yuuri stood, red faced, “The _fun_ ? You could’ve _killed him_!”

“Would it have been such a bad thing?” Chris asks with a wink, and horrified, Yuuri flees the camp.

Lara shakes her head at the two of them, but speaks only to the captain. “If you want to win his heart,” she says, “then violence is _not_ the way to go about it.”

.

Victor follows Yuuri at some distance. Unsurprisingly, he goes to his own wagon to see Charles’ condition. For a moment, all is civil between them and Victor doesn’t want to intervene quite yet…

“This is all your fault, you know. I never should’ve brought you along.” Charles whispers bitterly. “You make my life miserable.”

It wasn’t always this way, as Yuuri once had standards and self respect. 

_He and Charles met four years ago at an Easter Sunday service, at the church Yuuri’s then-new brother-in-law frequented with his family. The church was hot and stuffy, and Yuuri wished he didn’t have to wear such a thick material on such a warm day. He watched with envy as the boys his age swung across the small creek by the church and splashing cool water on themselves. Their thin, comfortable slacks and shirts had looked so very comfortable..._

_“Hey, are you waiting in line?”_

_Yuuri was easily ten feet from the “line” in question, but he couldn’t say no. He was tired of following the rules that prevented him from having any fun. Glancing at his family, who were gathered a distance away and not paying any attention, Yuuri answered the boy. “Y-yes…”_ _  
_ _“Then come closer. How can anyone tell with you standing way back here?” The boy grabbed his hand and tugged him to the stream. When Yuuri got a better look at him, he recognized him as Charlie Pierce, son of the late Charles Edward Pierce. Charlie was the town troublemaker, but Mari often said that she believed it was the parenting style that caused his bad behavior. His mother had an affair with a Chinese immigrant after all, and then the boy was raised out of pity by the woman’s husband, who was abusive. It was there that the bad behavior began, so Charlie was sent to Dover to live with his uncle; a coworker of Mari’s husband. And he said that Uncle Pierce was incredibly abusive to the poor boy and destroyed what little good the boy might have had in his soul._

_“Your turn.” Charlie announced, nudging Yuuri forward._

_“Um, I- I don’t know how…”_ _  
_ _“Any idiot can do it. Just hold onto the rope. Oh, honey, you’ve gotta take those gloves off. You won’t be able to grip.”_

_Yuuri nodded and removed his gloves, but as he had nowhere to put them, Charlie offered to hold them for him._

_And so Yuuri gripped the rope properly and Charlie pushed him, a little hard, Yuuri would admit, but Yuuri wasn’t holding tight enough and soon slipped right off into the stream!_

_The Katsuki’s certainly heard the splash and hurried to the stream once they realized Yuuri wasn’t among them._

_As Yuuri surfaced, he saw his family waiting for him, less than pleased, and Charlie laughing at him._

_“Yuuri Katsuki.” Mari’s expression was cold, but there was a sparkle of amusement in her eyes. “Get out of that water! And you, you’d better stay away from my brother if you know what’s good for you Charles Pierce, or I’ll fetch your uncle.”_

_He stopped laughing._

_._

_The next afternoon during one of Yuuri’s lessons, the family servant announced that Charles Pierce was calling to apologize for his actions and return Yuuri’s gloves._

_Yuuri’s sister was about to say no for him when he ran from the study to the front hall. Charlie stood waiting, Yuuri’s gloves in hand. His face was bruised. “I forgot to give these back and I don’t really have much use for them.”_

_“Thank you.” He smiles faintly, but it’s hard to smile at all when he thinks about Charles… “Did… did your uncle…?”_

_“Yeah. Well, I’d better be on my way. See ya around.”_ _  
_ _“Wait. I’m going to Kitts Hummock this afternoon with my sister. The weather’s fine and we planned on having a picnic. Would you come with us?”_

_“I don’t think your sister’d let me.”_

_“Well… come anyway, separately, and we’ll pretend it was an accident.”_

_._

_Yuuri’s family never approved of the young troublemaker, two years Yuuri’s senior. But Yuuri was charmed and wouldn’t listen to their orders to stay away. Needless to say, the relationship progressed over the next year, but by Yuuri’s eighteenth birthday, any feelings he might have had for the boy began turning into twinges of hate. It was no matter, though, Yuuri was going to university. He enjoyed his time at Delaware College and studied hard with intentions of finally making his family proud._

_But as time went on, Yuuri met plenty of other people and nearly forgot all about Charlie. He dated a perfectly pleasant young man named Theodore Beaumont, who was studying to become a lawyer. He was the president of a fraternity and knew how to show anyone a good time. But most importantly, he was gentle. He would never even think of hurting anyone, especially not Yuuri._

_He never talked of marriage, but it didn’t seem entirely out of the question, either. He taught Yuuri to live for the moment and not to worry about anything else, past or future._

_They’d been dating well over a year when Charles came back around. Furious at Yuuri’s infidelity, he told Mr. Beaumont not to dare come around Yuuri again if he wanted to live. Then, he essentially kidnapped Yuuri from his dorm and took him to a small inn near the campus. He kept Yuuri there for four days to “catch up” as he put it. At the end of that period, he said Yuuri was too boring and took him back to campus, promising Yuuri he’d never speak to him again._

_About six weeks later, Yuuri discovered he was pregnant, and Theodore Beaumont was the first to know, though he insisted he wasn’t the father. He didn’t blame Yuuri for Charles’ actions, but told him they couldn’t be together anymore. When the fall semester ended, Yuuri withdrew from the college and went home._

.

“Then let me go and I’ll never think of you again, and you’ll do the same for me. We have nothing to offer each other, we only make each other miserable and it’s time to stop this while we still can.”

“If I do, will you marry the captain?”  
“That’s none of your business.”  
He scoffs. “I take that as a yes, then. So then, I can’t let you go.”

“Oh, please don’t be so stubborn. We’re… we’re not compatible with each other. I’m not sure we ever were. I think we were drawn to each other because we were both outcasts in our own respect… but I loved you, and you never could love me. You’re not the marrying type, Charles, and I _am_ … I- I want a _family_ , I want to be respected, to be seen as an equal, to be loved just as much in return, and… and I know in my heart these are things you could never give me, and I could never give you what you want of me.”

 _But I can_ , Victor thinks, realizing what a selfish thought that is at a moment like this, but he doesn’t care. 

“You think _he_ will? Yuuri, he’s a young captain, at the start of his damn career. He won’t give all that up for you.” Charles poured a canteen of water over the fire and stomped the rest out with his boot. “I could kill him, for what he did to me.”

“You have been terrible, Charles, and you know that. If you’d just behaved…”  
“I could say the same to you, you know!”

“You’re ridiculous.” Yuuri scolds him, almost bitterly. “You’re a ridiculous, jealous man, and I can’t stand to be seen with you any longer.” He tries to walk away, but his wrist is grabbed. 

“If you won’t come with me, you’ll stay with me until I leave. You won’t leave my side.”

“But I—”

“It’s your choice.”

“You know I can’t stay here!” Yuuri exclaims, and it sounds as if he’s struggling against Charles’ grip. “Especially after what you did today, to the baby…”

“Oh please,” he scoffs, “there’s nothing of importance in there.”

“Don’t talk so coldly of your own child!”

“I’m not.”

“I… I don’t understand.”

“You think I was gonna let you tote around his ashes? No, that’s wrong. The dead need to be put to rest. I put him in the Pierce graveyard, in Dover.”

“Then… then what’s in the—”  
“Like I said, nothing of importance. Perhaps it’s the ashes from a couple of cigars, who knows?”

Yuuri laughs bitterly, lifting his hands to cover his eyes when the laughter turns to sobs, and sobs to wails. Victor steps out of his hiding spot and makes himself known. Yuuri turns to him and blabbers incoherently about how sorry he is that Victor rescued the chest “all for nothing”. 

“What do you mean?” He has to ask, despite already knowing. He places a hand on Yuuri’s shoulder and Yuuri melts into him, explaining what Victor already heard. 

Victor glares at Charles, who is expressionless. “Why would you do something like that, to your own kid?”  
“I did it for that kid’s own good! He deserved a resting place.”

“It wasn’t your choice to make.” Victor responds.

“It was just as much my kid as his. And it’s not like I’m the reason it’s dead. It’s Yuuri’s own fucked up body’s fault.”

Yuuri looks up at Victor, likely to see if he felt the same way.

“Look, I don’t know the whole story, or even half of it. But blaming Yuuri, and then _tricking_ him, that’s pure evil! That’s his own child, his own blood, and if he wanted to keep their ashes until he arrived in Oregon, that’s his business.”

“Thanks for the lecture, but I literally don’t give a fuck.”  
“You should,” Victor admonished him, and then led Yuuri away from his camp. Yuuri struggles against him at first, but eventually he goes weak in the knees and needs help standing. Victor doesn’t ask. He comforts Yuuri, unconditionally, and assures him that he doesn’t need to know any details of the situation. “That’s between you and your husband, and I’m not judging you…”

“Husband,” Yuuri repeats sullenly. “He’s not my husband, and I’m sorry I ever went along with his scheme.”

“What do you mean, he’s not your husband? Are you unmarried?”  
“That’s right.” Yuuri sighs. “But we did have a son together. That much is true.”

“I see…”

“If you don’t want to be my friend anymore, I understand. What I did, having a child out of wedlock, I know it was wrong and I don’t expect you to forgive that.”

“No, no, of course I want to be your friend! And being that you’re unmarried…” Seeing the eager look on Yuuri’s face, Victor drops the subject. “What I mean is, it will be… easier for you to separate from him when we get to the fort.”  
“Oh… yes, it will be in that aspect. But not in any other way. He’s not going to make it easy.”  
“Don’t worry, I’ll help in every way I can. You can trust me.”

Yuuri swallows hard, moving out of Victor’s hold. “I don’t deserve your trust. You… you’re too good for someone like me. Goodnight, Captain.”

.

Fortunately, they arrive at Fort Laramie two days later. Charles is dismissed, and Philomena Baker looks particularly distressed. The night before, Yuuri overheard the two of them exchanging farewells. “Will you come to California and visit me sometimes? Oh, promise you will, or I would die!”

“Yeah, I’ll be there before you know it. I just have to write home for some money, and then I’m back on my way, so don’t you worry your pretty little head.”

They embrace as if they cannot live without each other, and Yuuri rolls his eyes. After Philomena slipped away, Yuuri came forward.

“I hope you’re here to apologize.”

“No, not at all. Just to give you this.” Yuuri flings a bracelet at his feet and backs away. “I wish you luck.”

“Mm.”

“I’m going to move on, and I know you will, too. We… we should never have met. I sincerely wish we hadn’t.”

“So do I.”

A moment of silence passes between them. Charles rolls his eyes. “Go on now, I’m sure your precious Victor is searching for you. Go to him, see what I care. He has nothing good to offer you; no money, no family, no security.”

“Maybe he hasn’t got any money or family of importance, but he _will_ give me security, and that’s worth more to me than the other two. That is… he’ll give it to me, if we- if we ever…”  
  
“Oh, don’t play dumb, Yuuri, I know. I know that by next week you’ll be married and by the time you get to Oregon you’ll hope to be heavily pregnant. I can only hope neither happen and that you’re miserable for the rest of your life, as a whore like yourself deserves for what you did to me, and to my son.”

“You’re a wicked man, Charles Pierce.”

“Yeah, and? You like wicked men.”  
“Well… well not anymore. It’s safe to say I’ve learned my lesson.”

***

After a few days, Yuuri was visibly less tense once he started to understand that Charles wasn’t going to try and come back, that he was truly out of his life for good (well… at least for now). He still carried a heavy load on his heart, that his son wasn’t with him at all, but if what Charles said was true, he was buried among his own family at least somewhat respectfully, which was a little comforting. 

In brighter news, Chris and Lara’s wagon was moved up to unit one, meaning Yuuri could spend every day with the captain if he wanted to. And even if he _didn’t_ , the captain still walked with him every day, still joined him at dinners, still took Yuuri on his shooting lessons every few days and was very, very attentive. Lara said that this is how courting went on the Oregon Trail, but Yuuri insisted to her that he was just being friendly. After all, how could someone like Victor be romantically interested in someone like Yuuri? Someone who Victor _knew_ had a shameful history and nothing to offer? It made no sense! Still, Lara did not agree. 

.

June 20th, 1855

_Victor stayed for dinner again, the third night this week. Though I don’t tire of his visits, I tire of the girls’ teasing! They insist he’s in love with me, but I just don’t see it. Firstly, I’m not worthy of love, and secondly, I haven’t done anything to appear interested, so how could he possibly fall in love with someone as mean and stoic as me? It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? — I must go, Victor is trying to peer over my shoulder at this page!_

“You break your own rules,” Yuuri teases, shutting his journal when Victor creeps closer to get a better look.

“Not really, being that I can’t read a word of it other than my own name. What did you write about me?”

“That you were having dinner with us, that’s all.” His cheeks colored, but since it was night, he hoped Victor didn’t notice. 

“It seemed like more than just that.”  
“Maybe it wasn’t about you, Captain.” Yuuri smiles, and upon the reminder that the man can’t read, he continues to write.

_I do like him quite a bit though, more than I’d ever be willing to admit, but I’m not sure I love him. You see, I thought I loved Charles once, when we were children, but now I cannot even fathom the possibility. Lord, I’ve made far too many mistakes with that man. I should never have let him into my dorm last fall! Anyway— love is complicated. If I thought I loved someone as monstrous as Charles— lord, I cannot stand to write his name anymore. We’ll just refer to him as Him, and that’s it. As I was saying, if I thought I loved Him, then how could I ever know what true love even feels like? If anything, around Victor I just feel like a mad fool with how my heart pounds and the way I stammer and my thoughts falter…_

“There’s my name again…” Victor chimes in, shamelessly resuming his snooping. “Come on, read it to me, I’m curious to know what you think of me.”

“I think you’re a snoop.” Yuuri chides. “It’s nothing important, I promise you. I always write about my acquaintances.”

“We’re just acquaintances? How disappointing. I hoped we were more than that.”  
“Fine, my friends. And as I was saying—”  
“Just friends?”

“We certainly aren’t best friends, Captain.”

“Well, your journal says ‘I do like him’; that much I can understand.”  
“You- you—!”  
“Relax, Yuuri. I like you, too.” He said this with no hesitation, no joking look about him… he was serious. He leans in closer to add, “So much that I hope you never, after tonight, think of me as just a friend. I want to be so much more, if you’ll have me.”

“Victor, I—”  
“Think on it. Think on it for years if you want, I’m willing to wait.” He stands, and just before he walks away, Yuuri catches his hand. “Will you— um… walk with me before we leave tomorrow?” What a stupid question, Yuuri thinks to himself but he couldn’t think of anything else to say!

“Of course, Yuuri. I’d love to.” He raises Yuuri’s hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles softly. “Goodnight.” After Victor turns to leave, Yuuri lets a smile peek through before he can catch himself as he watches Victor walk away.

_Lord, I think I’m going to faint!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a BIG THANK YOU TO HAWESOME FOR BETA READING
> 
> A LOT happens in the next chapter— marriage proposal, Lara leaves, they get to Oregon, there's the wedding, adopting Yura, lots going on, lot of fun


End file.
